Getting Over Heartbreak In Six Steps*

Those of you who read GirlGoneDreamer on a regular basis will know that I'm currently writing a novel, during which Emily (my female lead) will learn how to deal with having her heart broken. It's a horrible feeling (the worst) and yet it's something that most of us will go through in life at some point or another. Although we usually come out on the other side that little bit stronger and wiser, it doesn't make going though the experience any less painful. Here are six tips on how to cope with heartbreak and eventually move on:

1. Let It All Out 

This is a hugely important step that shouldn't be skipped. Don't be trying any of this 'brave face' malarkey. You're hurting so you need to let it all out. Trying to bury the pain you're feeling will only come back to bite you when it decides to out at the most inappropriate of times. Trust me when I say I've been there and it's a tad embarrassing.

2. Wallow

Grab a duvet and curl up with a tub of your favourite ice cream and a TV show/movie. My 'go to' preferences when I need to feel good are Grey's Anatomy or Gilmore Girls. My brother prefers Sex And The City, but the point is just to choose whatever makes you feel better.

3. Delete Contact And Keep Busy

When you've stopped crying - which you will - you'll most likely reach the dangerous phase of missing your ex. This is where you have to be strong. Delete all numbers and forms of contact. If you go back now you'll have to go through stages one and two again. Inevitably you'll want to keep checking your phone to see if they've text or rung you. Maybe you'll even want to stalk their Facebook profile. If you want to drive yourself crazy then by all means go ahead, but I suggest that instead you distract yourself and keep busy. Hide your phone. Do things that make you feel good. You don't have to go out if you don't want to but bring your friends to you. Do anything but don't be alone. You might not feel like talking but having company will do you the world of good, plus they'll be there to stop you doing anything daft like leaving drunken voicemail messages.

4. Feel Angry But Don't React

At this stage you'll decide you hate them. You might even want revenge. After all, how dare they fall out of love with you! You gave them a chunk of your life and it's been a complete waste of time! Don't even go there. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing you're bothered. Trust me when I say that they will only be laughing about it with their mates (when they're not calling you a psycho ex, that is).

5. The 'Blah' Phase

'Blah' to me is feeling nothing towards the person, feeling nothing towards life. Everything all of a sudden seems dull and unexciting. You don't feel love or hate and it's a weird feeling. You're bored, lonely and feel the need to do something because your life now seems emptier and less fulfilled than it was before. Out of confusion you might think you need your ex back, but don't mistake feeling lonely for needing them in your life. You can do this! The aim here is to get you back on track and standing on your own two feet. Congratulations because believe it or not you're now moving on.

6. Socialise With Friends 

Gather your friends round. It's time to celebrate your single status! By now you should be feeling a tad better and maybe even ready to date again? If not then at least join a dating website just so you can chat to prospective takers, it'll give you a much needed confidence boost if nothing else. Meanwhile, if the weather is nice then why not throw a garden party? What better excuse do you need than the brighter weather? I love this time of year and the Rattan Dining Sets from Fishpools* are ideal for Spring/Summer get-togethers. The Margarita* set suitable for eight is my personal favourite and as it's designed to live outdoors in all weather you won't need to faff putting it away. All you'll need to add is the music, friends and wine. Oh and don't forget the pizza! You'll be remembered as the 'hostess with the mostess' all summer long.

Until next time...


Justine xxx


I hope you enjoyed this post. I should point out that I'm not a relationship guru by any means, the above is just some friendly pointers to help you on your way.

*This is a sponsored post in collaboration with Fishpools
All images taken from Fishpools website 

Favourite Blog Reads

Well hello again my lovely people! Have you all had a fabulous weekend? Sorry for the delay in uploading this. I ended up spending the afternoon with two of my nephews and what fun we had! One thing I'd always wanted to have a bash at was carving pumpkins! I can now say I have officially tried it! 

Ok, so I have to say my attempt probably looks way cuter than a Halloween pumpkin should, but in my defence I was helping out my four year old nephew... :) But check out Nathan's! I think his 'vampire' pumpkin is awesome. Not bad for a nine year old!

As is the norm for my Sunday post, I have collected a few of my favourite blog reads from over the last week. Kayleigh over at VeryBerryCosmo celebrated her first blog birthday yesterday! Sending huge congratulations her way! But my personal favourite read of the week has to be Heidi Swain's... 'My Writing Life with Emma Davies.' To read either of these two posts or indeed any of the others, just click on the relevant images below. Enjoy and may this week bring with it many good things for you all! 

Justine xxx

 'VeryBerryCosmo's 1st Birthday'

by VeryBerryCosmo

'Introduction To Seventeen Cosmetics'

by Hanna Talks

'When The Left Hand Doesn't Know What The Right Is Doing'

by Forever Amber

 'Fall Daily: How I Use Fashion To Get Over Heartbreak'

by Maya Horikawa

 'Review: After You by Jojo Moyes'

by Fabulous Book Fiend

 

'4 Bases For 3 Skin Concerns'

by From Roses

 'Autumn Home Comforts/Gift Ideas'

by Phases Of Robyn

 

 'Autumn Nail Polish Collection'

by Ninz Beauty

 'Tanya Burr Makeup Haul'

by Katie Elizabeth Meehan

'Alpha Hydrox Enhanced Lotion 10% Glycolic AHA Review'

 by Coffee Makes Everything Better

 'Collection Brow Kits'

by Pixiwoo.com

'My Writing Life with... Emma Davies'

by  Heidi Swain

 'YouTube Videos You Need To See'

by Underland To Wonderland

*All photos taken from relevant blogs. Copyright not my own.

How long does it take to get over someone?

 

On Reflection - A Personal Note

How do you get over someone? No really. I'm asking the question because I'm truly flummoxed.
To be blunt I'll be glad to shut the door on this year. It's not been the best. In fact I'm gonna go all out and just say it. 2015 has been shit. Forget shutting the door. I'm going to slam it pretty damn hard! 
It had started out ok. I was in love with a guy, had plans for a novel, work was good... Even my anxiety had become more manageable. I wasn't deliriously happy or anything, but I was - you know - content. Yes. That's the word. Content.

Then everything just blew up in my face.

In truth I now plaster a smile on my face everyday and pretend that I'm ok. I don't want people to see how sad I am really feeling. But honestly? I hurt. ALL the time. I'm missing my Nanna so much. I didn't know what grief truly felt like until the moment I realized I'd never actually see or speak to her again. And let me tell you, it floors you. 

And then there's the guy. My best friend. The one I was in love with. (Or if I'm being honest, still am in love with.) He's a story for another time and place, but let's just say he is now a part of my past and I am trying desperately to focus on the future.

I guess what I'm saying is that this year has left me feeling utterly broken. In every sense of the word. And I don't know how to fix myself. But someone told me something last week that really struck a chord and it kind of helped me. I hope that by sharing it, maybe it might help you too if you're in a difficult place...

'We're all broken...' 

I think there's a great degree of truth in it. We're all just at different stages. The key is to remember this and to also just be there for one another on this journey we call life. 

In hindsight, maybe this year is just a life lesson - albeit a harsh one - helping me to grow into the person I'm supposed to be. I've always said that every experience in life whether good or bad shapes us... Maybe now I'm just becoming a different version of myself or dare I say it? Maybe I'm also finally growing up.
 

 Here are a few things that I have learned help when trying to get over someone...

*Do not I repeat DO NOT remain friends with the person. I tried it against the advice of practically everyone around me and trust me. It NEVER works! If you're reading this and you have made it work then congratulations... But for the other 99% of us, it's a no go area if you truly want to move on.

*Keep yourself busy. I'm one of those people that tends to take this to the extreme and ends up falling over. Remember to have BALANCE. Keep yourself busy and your mind occupied but take time out too.

*Do feel good things. Pamper yourself, get a haircut or a massage. Go see a movie. Eat cake. Do anything that makes YOU feel a little bit better. 

*Cry. A lot. This might sound like a negative but in reality if you actually allow yourself to feel and to go through the emotions, you'll find it more cathartic than holding it all in. Crying is a huge part of the healing process. 

*Drink wine. I'm not an alcoholic don't worry... (Ha ha!) but it would be fair to say that the odd glass of wine has helped me relax when I've been feeling down or tense in an evening. Just don't over-do it obviously!

*Be around people who make you laugh and/or feel happy. Surround yourself with friends, spend time with family. These people afterall are YOUR support network! The worst thing you can do is hide yourself away and wallow. (That said. A few duvet days are also allowed! Just you, your pjs, junk food and some movies.)

*Excercise. Go for a run!

*Write a list. Make goals. Plan! I am a notorious list maker. On paper things can seem slightly more attainable compared to in your mind where they can appear huge.

If you have any other suggestions please do leave them in the comments box below!  

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend.

Lots of love and hugs... Justine xxx